The Admonition: Why the Whisper Matters

A Moment in the Mess Hall

It was a camp staff training weekend. During a break between sessions in the mess hall, I walked past a boy and girl alternately pushing each other in the arm. Back and forth. Smiles on their faces, not distress from assault. The girl called out to me to stop the guy from pushing her.

I gestured for them to draw close so I could talk to them over the din of conversation in the room. I asked for their ages. He was 15, she was 14.

I told them that what they were doing was an age-specific form of flirting.

They both looked at me dumbfounded for a few seconds. Suddenly, the girl went running off, screaming, to her gaggle of friends to discuss the matter.

Apparently, neither had understood the implications of their own behavior.

Why This Matters

This story illustrates something psychologists have documented extensively: physical touch serves as a signal of romantic interest, even when the participants themselves don’t consciously recognize what they’re doing.

In research published in the journal Psychiatry (1978), Dr. David B. Givens documented how, within courtship, there is “… a crucial step where … non-verbal communication becomes important. People may focus less on words and more on eye contact and body language, reflecting growing interest. You might even notice playful nicknames or gentle touches, representing a caring and nurturing aspect of attraction.”

Put more simply: touch that seems innocent – a hand on a shoulder, playful pushing – becomes charged with meaning in the right context. The acceptance or rejection of that touch signals interest or disinterest.

Teenagers acting out this behavior often don’t recognize it themselves until someone names it. But it is no less real for them. This unconscious flirtatious behavior is common among older Scouts. They may genuinely not realize the implications.

The Admonition: 109 Years of Wisdom

Beginning with the first written ceremonies in 1916 (second year of the OA), the Order has had an “Admonition” given to each new member just before their sash is placed over their shoulder. The Admonition, and its translation into English, was whispered into each candidate’s ear. And the ceremony declared that it was only to be whispered thusly.

The Admonition is a Lenape word that translates to “To love one another.”

It was, and is, understood by practically everyone that the reason why it was whispered was that it was super-secret, the ultimate proof of OA membership. That belief, while widespread, misses the deeper reasons.

New members could not, of course, memorize it, having heard a word in a foreign language only once. Whispered, for gosh sakes. And truth be told, I have never, in my years of OA membership, seen anyone who claimed to be an OA member turned away from any ceremonial ring, Pre-Ordeal, Ordeal, Brotherhood, or Vigil. And none of the passwords (or equivalent) other than the Admonition are ever whispered.

So logically, there must be other reasons why the Founders decided that this one word, and none other, had to be whispered privately.

Well, whispering gives it additional gravity. Implies its centrality and importance.

But there is a second reason that I call “the giggle principle.”

The Giggle Principle

English has only a single word for “love.” By contrast, Greek has six or so words. Everything from romantic attraction, to the bonds of marriage, to the relationship between family members, to pure brotherly love for mankind – they have separate words in Greek. (That last one, agape, is what we mean by “love” in the Admonition of the Order of the Arrow. It famously appears in Greek translations of the Bible.)

But the word “love” in English tends to be interpreted in its most exciting definition: romantic attraction.

Speaking “To love one another” aloud to a group of teenage boys would inevitably produce giggles.

Our Founders understood this and protected against the giggle factor by requiring it to be whispered privately. Preceded by a strange foreign word, which itself is the Admonition, this further protected it. Hard to giggle about a foreign word. And when that foreign word’s meaning is revealed privately, one-on-one, in a whisper – the solemnity of the moment protects it from mockery.

The whisper wasn’t arbitrary. It was architecturally necessary.

What National Proposes

Here is the relevant text from the proposed new ceremony:

The admonition is spoken reverently to fellow members as a heartfelt reminder of our solemn purpose. One member comes before another member face to face and places the right hand on the other’s shoulder. With earnestness and sincerity, the first member speaks the words of the admonition.

To love one another.

The other member responds in kind with the same words.

To love one another.

The exchange is completed by the hand clasp of the Order of the Arrow, made with the left hand entwining the lowest fingers. The admonition is a bright, guiding light for our Order. To know and greet one another with the admonition is to be welcomed without reservation.

The 2014 Brotherhood ceremony maintained the whispered delivery of the Admonition, with all present whispering it together simultaneously. This preserved the protection against the giggle factor while creating a moment of unified purpose. The above proposal abandons the whisper entirely, requiring individual pairs to speak ‘to love one another’ aloud while engaging in physical contact.

Let me be direct about the problems with this proposal.

The Catastrophic Problems

This proposal creates romantic/sexual situations between Scouts.

The proposal instructs participants to speak ‘reverently’ and ‘with earnestness and sincerity’ as if verbal instructions can override unconscious courtship behavior. They can’t. Telling teenagers to be reverent while performing an intimate physical ritual doesn’t eliminate the romantic signals. It just makes everyone pretend they’re not happening.

Consider what happens when a 14-year-old girl approaches a 16-year-old boy and:

• Places her hand on his shoulder (established romantic signal)
• Stands face-to-face with him
• Intimate proximity (arm’s length – close enough to feel his breath)
• Looks him in the eyes (romantic gaze)
• Says “To love one another” (verbal declaration using the word “love”)
• He responds “To love one another” (reciprocal declaration)
• They clasp hands (sealing the exchange)
• In front of everyone watching

This is not brotherhood. This is a complete courtship sequence as documented in psychology research. With a structure like wedding vows.

The physical intimacy + the word “love” + the reciprocal exchange + the public audience = a situation that will be interpreted romantically by:

• The participants themselves
• The observers watching
• Parents in attendance
• Anyone with a basic understanding of teenage psychology

And it gets worse.

If doing this publicly creates embarrassment and giggling (which it will), participants will naturally move away from the group to do it privately.

Now you have:

• Mixed-gender youth pairing off alone
• To perform what looks and feels like a romantic ritual
• With ceremony-sanctioned permission to do so

This is exactly what the Barriers to Abuse training is designed to prevent.

The Adult-Youth Problem

This proposal doesn’t just affect youth-to-youth interactions. It creates institutional permission for adult males to initiate physical contact with female youth. (Or any other combination of genders.)

The ceremony establishes that “to know and greet one another with the admonition is to be welcomed without reservation.” This means:

• Any adult male OA member can approach any female youth OA member
• Place his hand on her shoulder
• Look her in the face
• Say “To love one another”
• Expect her to reciprocate
• Clasp hands
• At any time, anywhere – not just during ceremonies

“I was just greeting her as a fellow Arrowman” becomes institutional cover for boundary violations.

BSA recently renamed Youth Protection training to “Barriers to Abuse” – emphasizing the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries between adults and youth. This proposed ceremony demolishes those barriers.

Violation of Consent

Every female, adult or youth, in or out of Scouting, has bodily autonomy. Touch requires explicit permission.

This ceremony:

• Normalizes the violation of that boundary
• Makes refusing the touch seem like rejecting the OA itself
• Creates social pressure to accept unwanted physical contact
• Puts female youth in a position where saying “no” to touch seems inappropriate

The phrase “welcomed without reservation” explicitly removes the option to decline.

What We’re Losing

The whispered Admonition worked perfectly for so many years because it:

• Protected the meaning from mockery – the giggle factor was neutralized
• Made it personal and sacred – one-on-one, private, solemn
• Created mystery and discovery – an unfamiliar word revealed its meaning through experience
• Avoided romantic misinterpretation – no public performance, no reciprocal exchange, no physical ritual
• Maintained appropriate boundaries – elder to candidate, not mutual interaction
• Taught rather than performed – received wisdom, not acted-out script

The proposed version:

• Invites mockery – teenagers saying “love” to each other publicly
• Makes it performative – a ritual to act out, not a truth to receive
• Explains everything – no mystery, no discovery
• Creates romantic situations – all the elements of courtship behavior
• Breaks down boundaries – institutionalizes inappropriate touching
• Breaks down more boundaries – supports hiding romantic intent
• Performs rather than teaches – you say words, not receive wisdom

The Fundamental Question

Why change something that has worked flawlessly since 1916?

The answer appears to be: to eliminate the Lenape word because using Native American words constitutes “cultural appropriation.”

So we sacrifice:

• Youth safety
• Appropriate boundaries
• The solemnity of the moment
• The protection of meaning from mockery
• 109 years of proven practice

To solve a problem that doesn’t exist.

It’s not just bad. It’s dangerous.

What Should Happen

This proposal should be rejected entirely. The Admonition should remain exactly as it has been for 109 years:

• The Lenape word which is the Admonition
• Followed by its translation “To love one another”
• Whispered privately into each candidate’s ear
• One-directional (elder to candidate)
• During the formal ceremony with proper framing

The whisper protects the meaning. The privacy prevents mockery. The one-directional delivery maintains appropriate boundaries.

It works. Leave it alone.

I was reluctant to write this page. Over-explaining our lived experiences removes their mystery. But better to pull back the curtain than watch the Admonition be destroyed.

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For more information on the proposed ceremony changes, see What Is Known About the OA Ceremony

For context on the broader ideological shift in Scouting, see Ideology Behind Ceremony Changes